Jaykeee and His Bike
16 Nov
“If there is anything I know it’s that I know nothing.” said Jakeee out loud to his friend Snurkee.
I think some famous person like the Queen of England said that. Or perhaps it was a saying from Family Guy. Who cares really. It’s just some saying that means everything and nothing. Like most trite sayings usually do..
Anyways, Jakeee was saying this to his friend Snurkee (not his real name I suppose) as he was trying to assemble the new bike he just bought with the money he made selling newspapers and cigarettes to the kids in the neighborhood.
Jakeee had a great thing going. He forced the kids to buy a paper with each cigarette he sold them. So he had the largest newspaper sales in town. Plus the markup on his cigarette sales were through the roof. Whatever that means.
Snurkee, on the other hand, worked at a fast food restaurant and made considerably less money. But he did get abused by every single customer and the endless supply of manager trainees that came and went faster than he could flip a burger so it was all worthwhile.
Working retail is one of those things in life that everyone should do. Not for more than about 6 months but for long enough to at least have your ego crushed.
Snurkee was on his 5th month and his ego was already smaller than the dust on a pinhead.
“Pass me that wrench” said Jakeee. “I just need to tighten this bolt and I can take this piece of crap for a ride”
So, Snurkee passed Jakeee a screwdriver. And in moments the bike was done.
Jaykeee didn’t really know his tool names I’m guessing and Snurkee understood this.
“The police will never catch me now” continued Jaykeee. “Try to stop my illegal business will they..Ha..”
Jaykeee was under investigation by the police for selling cigarettes to minors. Not the coal miners he also sold to. Just the kids that were underage. Although, reselling cigarettes is also illegal. Apparently. Stupid strange laws..
So, off Jaykeee went on his bike. Literally.
Jaykeee had never been on a bike before. And he only made it to the curb before he fell off his bike and into the oncoming traffic which just happened to consist of a Police car and nothing else. Except for some other cars and trucks I don’t care to write about.
The Police quickly handcuffed Jaykeee and sent him off to a Federal Penitentiary where he still resides today. And forever I think. With no chance of parole or something.
Snurkee was also arrested for aiding and abetting because of handing Jaykeee the screwdriver needed to finish assembling the bike. He got sentenced to 2 years in a local jail and is currently serving his time working in the kitchen.
So today’s question is:
1) Ummmm….Have you ever sold a newspaper to a minor?
No, but I did buy one for myself as a minor. Does that count?
I guess it does.
I also used to buy papers as a minor until my Dad found my stash of them under my mattress and confiscated both the newspapers. And the mattress.
It was a traumatic time for me.
I never read another newspaper for years.
Got used to sleeping standing up though.
Actually I’m doing that right now..
I wonder, are we both talking about the same kind of newspapers?
Probably not. I bought the Winnipeg Free Press which is a local newspaper.
You probably bought your newspaper in the U.S.A..