Happy and Blue 2

Most people don’t realize I’m quite the play writer. So, I thought I’d let everyone see a sample of my work.
Watch for it in theaters everywhere.
Or just go on with your lives. That’s probably a better thing to do..

Anyways, here’s a summary so you can be in the loop when it comes out.

BTW, I am using headings because Keith of Business 3.0 suggests it’s a great way to make skimming posts easier. I also included a picture with my post that he frowns on, but look, I’m artsy that way so sorry or something…

Introduction and Opening Stuff

“I don’t know why bugs never get fat” said Julo as he watched some ants running back and forth across his sidewalk.

“They don’t do anything” he continued as the ants continued to scurry back and forth.
“Lucky ants. You do nothing all day and I eat donuts and gain weight”

“Look at that big fat guy sitting there eating donuts” said one of the ants, who was also an aunt, to another ant.

“He just sits there all day eating donuts and he can gain weight easily” she continued.
“I run back and forth gathering food all day and I can’t even put on a micro ounce ( which is the ant’s equivalent of a lot of weight I suppose)

Action Part

While the two of them were thinking about how the other was so lucky Julo picked up a fairy god rock by accident and started rubbing it.

And poof and begora the fairy god rock thing switched their bodies so Julo was the ant and the ant, who was also an aunt, became Julo.

“Cool” said both of them in unison.

In the next while Julo enjoyed his new body. Especially since he was a woman.
He became quite the slut ant.
And he remained slim no matter what he ate.

And the ant, who was also an aunt, enjoyed her new body. Being a man was an added bonus.
Especially since she really had never had sex before and still wasn’t getting any. Plus she liked donuts.

Concluding Scenes

After a series of boring adventures the fairy god rock thing figured they had learned their lesson so he turned them back into their normal selves.

This was a depressing time for Julo and for the ant. Who was also an aunt.
Both immediately required intensive therapy. But that’s for the sequel..

Julo went back to eating donuts and not getting any.
And the ant, who was also an aunt, couldn’t understand why so many guy ants, who may have been uncles, kept looking at her with lust in their antenna’s. Or whatever they look with.

I know that this switching body thing isn’t new. But, I’ve never seen it done with an ant and a fat guy so it should sell well to movie people.
Wish me luck. Not that I’ll need it.
And tell your friends to see the movie..

My Mom had her surgery to remove her appendix yesterday evening.
There were no problems and she is expected to be back at home in a day or two..

I just found out I have a ranking of “1″.
This is taken from a link from Rose’s blog where she linked to Blog Grader.

Since page rank is the only real status symbol for blogs and I was a “0″ a few days ago and am now a “1″ everyone should bow down to me..I am a god..

Just like my kids should probably have done when they bought me a hat like the one pictured.

And to further rub my magnificence in your faces I only have to move up 2,472,224 spots to be #1 in Alexa rankings. Whatever they are..

Mom went into the Hospital yesterday. To the best of my knowledge she is ok. I’m going to see her in a few minutes.

This post isn’t about her going into the Hospital though. It’s about how the Hospital deals with patients/ family.

At about 11PM last night my Mom took an ambulance into the local Hospital. I was there when they took her. The ambulance guys( local firemen with paramedic training) were excellent. Very professional. Thanks guys who will never read this..

She was taken to Emergency which is the entry point for almost all incoming people.

At approximately midnight I phoned the Hospital to check on her condition.

The phone rang at the Hospital for a few times before someone picked it up.
You can’t actually call Emergency. You call a switchboard who redirects you.

“Hello. How can I help you?”
“Hi. This is Glen xxxx calling. My Mother was taken by ambulance to Emergency shortly after 11pm. I’m wondering if I could be connected to Emergency.
“What’s your Mother’s name?”
“Bxxx.”
“There is no one by that name listed here”
“Sorry. She goes by Bxxx but her name is Axxx Exxxx”
“Just for reference I will be able to transfer you to Emergency but only because you mentioned her name as Axxx first.”
“Ok..thanks again.”

So, now I’m waiting on the phone listening to what sounds like 70’s porno music (some bouncy wah wah guitar music) for about 30 seconds before someone in Emergency answers the phone.

“Hello.”
Uhhh..hello is this Emergency?”
“Yes.”
“I am trying to find out the status of my Mother, Axxx( I’m a fast learner) who was taken to Emergency by ambulance shortly after 11pm.
“Oh, just a minute I’ll get a Nurse.”

Back to the porno music which is now making me laugh out loud..

“Hello this is Kxxx”
“Hi. This is Glen xxxx. I’m trying to find out the status of my Mother, Axxx who was taken to Emergency shortly after 11pm tonight”
“The doctor hasn’t seen her yet.”
“Does she seem to be ok?”
“I can’t answer that until the Doctor has seen her.”
“Will someone phone me when they know something?
“No. You can call back later.”
“Ok…thanks I guess..”

I could probably go into a big tirade about how they treat family requests for information but I don’t see any point. In Healthcare they feel they are protecting personal privacy by doing things this way.

Not sure about the porno music part though. It was funny..

My thoughts are more about how they treat people.

There is a lot of information online about treating each other with respect. And about the importance of being helpful.
And in this instance, in the real world, they weren’t really either.

They were business like in dealing with me. Cold and calculating.
They just didn’t make me want to engage them in anything that would benefit either of us.

Fortunately all the sites I chose to visit do engage their readers. Thanks for that..

Lesson learned I suppose.
By me anyways..

I don’t like Twitter and although I haven’t written a post about it yet I also don’t like the direction that Facebook is going in either.

It’s not that social media is a bad thing.
Email is good.
Comments on posts are good. Except when we become obsessed by them as Jordan Cooper pointed out so well in his video.
IM’s are good with friends. Or so I’ve been told. I don’t have any friends who IM me..
Phones are good. Or Skype. I’ve used those socially and I’m impressed with the way sounds move across them from person to person.
Video calls are also a good social media thing.

All of these sources of social media have one thing in common.
They are all conversations from one individual to another individual.

Twitter and Facebook and several others have tried to expand on the social interaction but they all fail miserably in my book. Which btw, I’ve never written.

Twitter isn’t about being social at all. It’s about self promotion.
And Facebook is overrun by games. And people requesting you join their game.

That just isn’t social.

Social is discussing things with others. Doing things with others. Sharing life stories with others.

Now, I’m not smart but I do have wacky ideas so that makes me an expert. In the same sense that double negatives make a positive in English writing.

And my latest idea is that we need a virtual social network.

Have you ever been to a social.
A social is where you go to a building with all your friends to celebrate some event. Everyone knows everyone. Or gets to know everyone. You are free to hang out with whomever you want. Dance with whomever you want. Talk to anyone. Your connection is that you are all friends of the same people..

We need that kind of environment on the web.

Here is my idea. The idea is free but if you don’t like free stuff send $49.95 to P.O. Box 43 somewhere or other and receive a duplicate copy in the mail. Eventually..

Imagine not going from one blog to the next to read what each individual has written. Or reading your RSS feeds and then having to click onto the site to leave a comment. Or clicking on the site from your RSS reader to leave a comment and then having to click on the article snippet again to get the whole article to show up so you can leave a comment on the site. And then going through that horrid process over and over again.

Imagine instead going to one site where it’s like a large room full of friends all mulling about talking about ideas and to various people. You can talk to anyone at any time. You can move from group to group easily. Instead of just leaving a comment and then wondering if someone responded to it you can get a response instantly.

It’s a blog utopia really..

Sure, there would have to be walls on the site. The smokers would need somewhere to go outside to have a cigarette with other smokers. Probably in some windy, rainy corner of the site so they could be suitably punished for their habit..

But then, they could come back into the social room afterwards and hang out and talk and dance with all their friends.

There could be a corner for the jocks. And a corner for the computer nerds. And a corner for the business people. And a corner for the goofs. And a centre spot for the porn site people. And we would all intermingle. Because ultimately we would all end up in the porn centre… to dance I suppose..

Anyways, it sounds like an easy thing for someone with a Doctorate in Computer Engineering to create. Probably in a weekend.

Actually someone at Google is trying to do something like this with Google Wave but they don’t understand the need for the windy/rainy spot for smokers and there isn’t any dancing allowed on Google Wave to my knowledge. Plus my site needs computer animation of our personalities for the porn dancing parts.

Now I just need someone brilliant to make it happen. So if you are that person then contact me. After you have set up the site and worked out all the details.
And give me half the royalties when it’s successful of course..

I really wish I liked Twitter. Not liking it makes me feel like such a web loser.

But, I just don’t get it.
Or perhaps I do get it and I don’t want it.

I signed up for an account when I started my current site.
Apparently everyone with a website (blog) must have a Twitter account.

Being naive I didn’t know why but I was in.

So, what did I find on Twitter.

People promoting their posts on their sites.
A bunch of trite sayings from famous people.
People linking to other tweets (if that’s what it’s called)
Occasional links to other sites.

Re-tweeting is supposed to be a good thing.
Lots of sites (business sites mostly) ask you to re-tweet their posts.

And, getting lots of followers seems to be a good thing.
People are always asking you to follow them.

Supposedly the idea is to get lots of followers and follow few yourself.
That way you look really popular/ smart and others will follow you.

So, I see Twitter as a popularity contest. Mainly for business sites.
Not for people who want to connect with friends.

Really, none of us have 1000 friends.
Most of us don’t even have 1000 acquaintances.

To put it bluntly I think Twitter is crap as a social media.
It is a media.
Mostly a business media for those trying to make money selling something.

But it isn’t really social.

Social is interaction with people.
Not self promotion.
Not trite sayings from famous people.
Not linking to articles with the hope those linked to will link back to your articles.

I really wish I could have found value in Twitter.
It makes me feel like such a web loser that I don’t..

Most people have heard the story of the tortoise and the hare. Or the turtle and the rabbit that had a race. Spoiler alert (skip to next paragraph if you haven’t heard this story.) The turtle won the race. I think the moral was slow and steady wins the race.
Anyways, don’t spoil the story for those who skipped to the next paragraph.

The turtle won the race. Slow and steady wins the race is the moral.
Don’t be mad at me. I didn’t write the stupid story.
And if I didn’t tell you how it ends I couldn’t move on to the follow up story..

Anyways, after the turtle kicked the rabbits butt in the race, it felt pretty good about itself. In fact the turtle’s head swelled so much it couldn’t even pull it into its shell.

As a result the turtle was eaten by a fox or some such predator.

But its shell made a cool ashtray for some rich guy so it worked out ok. I think that was the turtles dream job or something.

The turtles brother, who quite surprisingly was also a turtle, decided to continue in the family butt beating line of work and set about challenging other things to races.

After beating a slug, a tree and a very large rock, in races sanctioned by the forest athletic society, the turtle decided to turn pro.

At the first meet of the season the turtle was matched up against a cheetah, a gazelle and a rabbit looking for revenge.

When the starters gun went off the cheetah promptly ate the rabbit leaving only its fluffy tail to be snatched up by some woman who used it to apply powdered makeup.

Next the cheetah ran like a cheetah and caught the gazelle who had stopped to eat some grass on the infield.

While the cheetah was eating the gazelle the turtle slowly edged toward the finish line.

I’m sure you know what happened next.

Yes, the cheetah spotted the turtle was about to win and it raced past it to the finish.

“In your shell” said the cheetah as it pranced around the turtle.
And the turtle sensing danger promptly moved his tasty legs and head into his shell.

“No, you stupid turtle” said the cheetah. “I am taunting you because I beat you. I’m to full to eat you”

“Oh” said the turtle peaking out from its shell. “Sorry. I misunderstood your intentions. Taunt away..”

Later, after the urine tests were done it was found that the cheetah had banned substances in its urine, likely from the steroids the rabbit had been taking but not proven because the lady refused to give up her fluffy tail makeup thing.

So the cheetah was banned from further races because it was a cheetah cheater.

As a result the turtle won the gold medal. And some sundry useless prizes like a tv remote and a curling iron.

But it proved to all the animal kingdom that slow and steady, and no steroids, still wins the race..
As it is in real life I suppose.

At least after urine tests are completed..